i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
