Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
