Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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