She's JV to your varsity
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
