I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
