Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
