Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
