Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
