There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
