Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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