i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize