I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
