What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
