I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
