First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
