and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
