I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
