He kissed a someone with a penis
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
