i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
