im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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