i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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