need another drink. this is the easiest way
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
