k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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