yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
