The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
