like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
