We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
