So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
