You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
