my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
