first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
