respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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