My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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