i just had sex bonerless
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize