If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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