It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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