Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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