she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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