i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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