i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
