Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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