Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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