I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
