I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
