She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
