nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
