either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
