And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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