Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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