you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
