The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
is it fun? or sober?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
