Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
