Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
