found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
