I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
