i would punch a child for taco bell
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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