I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
