theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
