Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
