I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We're too hungover to prance.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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