You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Is it because I queefed?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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