he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
