Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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