Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
