I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
