I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize