i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
