Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
one might say we're banned from that church
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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