I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
