i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
