just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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