just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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