Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
