help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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