I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
