I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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