what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
