Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
