dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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