There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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