Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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