Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
