whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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