addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She announced her abortion via fbk
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
