I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
