I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
