I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Boobs speak an international language.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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