hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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