Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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