I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
