You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He did a backflip because drugs
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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