you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
