i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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