Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I came so hard my ears popped.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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