It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
