I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
