"it" just moved
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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