Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
