So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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