i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
