Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
