i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
