3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
