I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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