So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
